In July of 2023, I read an excerpt from How to Not Kill Yourself: A Portrait of the Suicidal Mind by Clancy Martin. It’s an intriguing and thoughtful read, (especially considering the times we are collectively and/or personally navigating), however… I couldn’t help but think about the detachment that existed within the book’s conversation and message. The aforementioned detachment included an element of avoidance to address how race or socioeconomic status can influence decisions in self-harm.
Let me be clear: this is NOT judgment. I simply want to contribute to dialogue that is NOT common enough. It is not.
People know that different identities in America and in the world, experience a different quality of life than others.
Regardless of if an individual cares about other identities, or whether or not an individual prefers and or acknowledges their contribution to the harm of specific identities- there is an awareness that we can no longer hide from.
Shit, sometimes life is cut short simply because of how an individual identifies, or the language an individual speaks, or the way an individual looks with a hoodie on.
In the LGBTQIA2+ community, Black trans women are among the highest demographic to be killed. Native and Indigenous women and children are one of the highest demographics for domestic violence and sexual assault and human trafficking.
Each day we have a chance to have constructive conversations about these issues and it’s not happening enough. Black women, Indigenous women, Native women, Afro-Indigenous Women, Afro-Native women, have an internal connection to the institutions that have shaped the world, but they also have an external connection that can determine the outcome of their survival.
We need more chances to speak up about these issues- to rebuild, restore, and transform. Black people who identify within queer identities, Indigenous people who identify within queer identities, Native people who identify as queer, Afro-Indigenous people who identify within queer identities, Afro-Native people who identify within queer identities experience inequity within (already) inequitable circumstances.
I think about my ancestors- familial and community based. There’s ancestors I know or know of that are stuck in an institution now, and I can’t help but be aware of how being trapped in an institution can greatly alter one’s psyche or perception, consciously and subconsciously.
I think about my mentors and people who inspire me that are now gone. I personally believe they could’ve been supported more and were not given a fair chance at survival.
I have a personal connection to mindfulness and spirituality that has taught me how to accept death and equally heavy transitions, but I also know that there are advancements made everyday to support enhancing the quality of life and life’s longevity.
Everyone wants to talk about the wars the media tells us to talk about, but no one talks about the war within our institutions. No one wants to talk about the war on the poor. No one talks about the war on identity. No one talks about the war in being free. The war on being liberated.
Let me be clear in saying: all conflict (present, past, in progress, and future) deserves awareness and our voice; most importantly the amplification of the voices directly involved in said conflict(s). However, how can an individual realistically communicate facts around a global conflict- if the individual fails to recognize or speak on the global conflict directly in their face, directly in their proximity, directly in their workplace, directly in their neighborhood, directly in their school, directly in the ways systems and institutions have conditioned individuals to behave? To see? To speak? To engage? To make physical contact?
No one talks about the ramifications of genocide and slavery on the mind and body. We have Indigenous languages, culture, and family ties that are in recovery- while some are lost forever; erased.
We’ve lost generations of specific demographics in the war on drugs.
We are losing people on the streets everyday. People are dying because they don’t have clean water. They don’t have shelter. They don’t have food. They don’t have anyone listening to them, hearing them out.
They don’t know how to heal from the pain that these systems have inflicted upon them. They don’t know how to communicate with the jargon to grab your attention. They don’t know how to identify the context of their circumstances; in relation to Eurocentric programming and conditioning.
The education system does contribute to complacency. The world can feel like a game being operated by players who have secured their place with bodies, commodities, and pure capital.
There’s people that work in private or public sectors that have a direct line to support and/or advocate for the people. Yet, they have no connection to these individuals.
There’s bodies on the line. People die at the hands of the system. People die without a fucking chance. Lack of accessibility kills people.
These systems can make people with a history or presence of privilege avoid accountability or awareness and recognition of historical context.
The same system is holding you hostage. The same system does not allow for time or space to rest, to heal, to feel, to identify all that is real.
The same system has convinced Indigenous, Native people to sign away land, rights, sovereignty, resources, using language beyond their prior, respective comprehension.
This information is not being stated to make you feel inadequate - these systems control our ability to recognize other human beings in their existence… The more we lean in to these systems, the harder it is to jolt away from its trance.
The same system created an economy off of stolen human beings because they were not recognized as human beings at all.
The same system can put Afro-Native and Afro-Indigenous people against one another. The same system can put Black people of different complexions (or even the same complexion) against one another.
The same system can put Indigenous and Native people against Black people. The same system can put Black people against Indigenous people and Native people. The same system can put Native people against Afro Native people. The system can put Alaska Native people against Afro-Alaska Native people.
The global environment is in collapse. Marginalized demographics are being hit the hardest. Mainstream intellectuals refer to the term “collapsology” to identify societal collapse and its various factors. Awareness and conversation around collapse is heavily gate-kept which is ironic considering the fact that collapse is a direct result from colonialism.
I first learned of collapse in 2019 at Fort Lewis College in Durango, CO. My sociology professor, Janine Fitzgerald; would specifically mention the Age of Death. She would also mention that the Age of Death follows the Age of Oil. The Age of Oil contributes to the Age of Death.
The earth’s healing journey is personal. Healing journeys are deeply personal. Sometimes personal shifts are extremely painful and jarring. An outsider may not know how to accept an individual’s reality because they’re programmed to avoid or rather they have been programmed themselves to avoid coping with reality in a constructive way.
I know why consciousness is avoided, but I don’t know why consciousness is adjacent to teams of violence, acts of violence, violent occurrences.
I don’t believe the shadows of the earth belong to me, but I believe:
if you respect the shadows… you accept the shadows.
I believe early forms of community were intentionally spaced out for the sake of true freedom. True freedom requires space to process reality.
Space to process reality will not determine success or failure.
Success or failure is not our business.
Existence is personal. Birth is personal. Breath is personal. To learn is to adapt. Adapting is personal. Close proximity is personal.
To survive is to remove access to all which is personal.